Cancer - Maybe I *AM* a Hater...

I spent a good deal of time today thinking about the concept of hate - and considering my own relationship with the idea. Hate is unpleasant - and a waste of energy. It's destructive and, as far as I can see, serves no legitimate purpose, other than to feed upon itself and others. The analogy may be a little off, but in my mind, I liken the concept to an emotional tapeworm. Who would want that?

The 88 year old man who walked into the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC today and opened fire leaves me struggling to conceptualize how a human being could be so filled with hate... Again, I've spent a good amount of energy today trying to understand the situation. Apparently, hate devours energy in that manner as well.

Struggling to explain the existence of such evil (because really, that's what hate is) to my eight year old also took its toll on my emotions and energy. That, at least, fills me with hope and love - that she didn't understand why either.

Hate - whether it's manifested in hate speech or terrorist acts - is abhorrent. Ironic, I know. I've already been accused of being a hater of hate. I just struggle deeply to understand its motivation. This struggle has become the theme for my day.

Driving tonight and listening to CNN, the events today in Washington were again brought to my mind, followed by an interview with someone who is currently fighting cancer. As I listened to his words, to the statistics that were discussed, I would have given anything to hug my mother again. I had to put the phone down when I caught myself about to call friends who had also lost loved ones to cancer. I wanted them to know I was thinking of them, praying for them and that I was sending them hugs, wherever they may be. I wanted to reach out and hold all my friends who have survived their bouts with cancer - and those who are still fighting. I wanted to do something, anything, to help fix it all!
A radio broadcast of a Larry King interview did this to my emotions.

Then I realized, HATE was welling up within me, making me feel this way.

I still don't understand (and probably never will) the idea of hating another human being. I do, however, understand the concept of HATE. I will freely admit that I hate cancer. I don't pity it. I am not able to shrug off my feelings towards it. I can't even pretend these things. Cancer is a horrible HORRIBLE thing and I wish more than anything that our society could find a way to eradicate it from the face of the earth. I DO HATE - I HATE CANCER.

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