It's All About Priorities... or "Don't Judge Me"

"Mom, you need to drink more alcohol."

This from the mouth of my way-too-old-for-her-years eight year old daughter. I laughed - and I'm pretty sure I posted the funny comment to my facebook account. After all, in this age of twittering and constant status updates, it seems a crime NOT to share that with everyone from my family to my best friend from preschool whom I've recently re-found. It's priceless, funny, and... what do you mean inappropriate?? How could someone take issue with my daughter cracking one liners like this?


One of my favorite stories to retell about my mother and parenting advice centers around Alexandra's first trip to the Durham fair back in 2001. She was only five months old, but the fair was one of my favorite things to do... so I bundled her up, and she, my mom and I got in the car and headed to Durham. Now anyone from CT can attest that the worst part of the drive to the Durham fair is the last 50-100 yards. You can spend an hour and a half slowly pulling into the converted cow pasture/parking area. And that time is all stop and go. I learned early on in my Durham Fair adventures that I can only do it if I'm driving - otherwise my motion sickness will rear its ugly head.
On this day, we discovered that given an hour and a half of stop and go non-motion, Alexandra will also develop motion sickness. She was a miserable sick little baby by the time we parked. Of course, I felt horrible taking her to the fair when she seemed so obviously sick, but the alternative was to get back in the car. Knowing that she had been fine until 50 yards from our parking space, I made the executive/mom decision that we'd stay at the fair. Her tummy would settle back down and she'd be fine once we'd been out in the fresh air for a while.
As we waited for the shuttle to take us over to the fair, a woman who I'm sure was well meaning (though admittedly it's taken almost eight years to see her in that light) told me what a horrible mother I was being, bringing an obviously sick baby out just so I could go to the fair. I was flabbergasted and felt sufficiently berated - enough that I turned around and was about to go home.
It was at this point that my mother looked at me and told me the most important thing I would need as a mother was a thick skin. Alexandra was my baby and I knew what was best for her. Never let some stranger's words undermine that.

Those words have served me well over the years since - and continue to. I've never been much for baby talk or for treating children like something other than people. While this may be partially responsible for Alexandra's extensive vocabulary and precocious grasp of many concepts that are normally beyond children of her age, it has also lead to numerous discussions with her about words and topics that are off limits for kids.
As she gets older, I see a snarky attitude developing that may not be the most reverent but does demonstrate a great sense of humor and developing wit.
She may still be my little girl who babies the heck out of Erin, her favorite baby doll, but she's also showing more and more of this awesome person who is empathetic, funny, frank, sincere, and bright.


So why did I start this post? Actually, it had nothing to do with Alexandra - or maybe it had everything to do with her. I made a blog entry years ago which offended a friend of mine and for which I will always feel bad. It was at a time when I was struggling to figure out what I was doing with my life, how I could possibly do anything with my life - and all that as a single mother to a toddler Alexandra. What I wrote wasn't meant to be judgmental but it came across as such - and hurt feelings.
I was, I think, upset that no one understood how hard my life was. My friend whom I inadvertently judged wasn't a mom, let alone a single mom - how could she understand me?
I know now, years later, that I was being judgmental about her lifestyle in how I was bemoaning the fact that she didn't understand mine. And, again, I will always feel horrible about that. I was reminded of that post recently when I read a similar venting blog post from someone else.
I admit that I caught myself rolling my eyes when I read the post - of course no one understands the plight you're in. You're unique.

Then I smacked myself upside my head.
Yes, literally.

As much as I didn't mean to judge my friend all those years ago, I am betting this other person isn't saying these things to be mean or judgmental. She's frustrated that people don't seem to understand the position she's in. And I know - it can be frustrating.
But here is my hindsighted opinion or advice on the situation (take it or leave it - it's meant purely as well-meaning)...

Don't fret. You're right - some people may not understand the ins and outs of your life, but their ignorance shouldn't be taken as malicious. It really shouldn't even be taken as callous or insensitive. After all, you have your priorities and they're important (otherwise they wouldn't be priorities) to you - but guess what!

Other people are allowed to (and do!) have other priorities.

My daughter is the most important person in the world to me. What she does on a daily basis is extremely interesting and important... to me. My commitment to being active in her life, her school, may seem like a tertiary choice to others - after all, how important, really is it for me to volunteer for her school's book fairs and field day? But to me, these are important commitments - keeping me in touch with what's going on in her life when she's at school.

Of course, I'm focusing this primarily on parenting, but obviously, not all my friends are parents - and even those that are have different life experiences and different priorities. Does this make those priorities any less important? NO.



We all choose our own paths and we all make our our decisions.
What's important to me is important; what's important to you is too.
When priorities clash or don't fall into perfect alignment, take a deep breath and shrug.
After all, no one wants to make anger a priority.

An Open Letter to Mediacom

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing today to praise what an interesting job your company is doing in the face of the severe weather that occurred on Friday, May 8 in southern Illinois. While I have spent the past week dealing with such friendly, helpful people coming together in the face of what has been declared a disaster by the state of Illinois, your company’s complete unwillingness to be at all helpful is a welcome breath of fresh air.

Three times I called Mediacom’s support line to make sure they were aware of the downed wire in my yard, disconnecting my house from your services. Three times because the second and third times I called, to find out the status of my service requests, I discovered that the service requests had not actually been filed. I will grant that the third time I called, the request was in – but the service representative was confused as to why I was calling. According to her records, it had been scheduled for two days prior. This made sense as Mediacom van had been parked in front of my house and spotted by my neighbors – what didn’t make sense, though, was the fact that the line had not been restored and the my services were still nill.

She was good enough, however, to point out that I needed to pay my Mediacom bill. After all, having the services for which I’m paying is an entirely separate matter – whether I have them or not, I should be paying an exorbitant amount for them.

My last call was answered by an employee of yours named Renee (employee number 4208). You would be more than proud of her. While attempting to be helpful, she reused to answer any of my questions and, in fact, demonstrated very clearly that my questions were irritating to her. When I requested to speak to her supervisor, Ken (employee number 4341), she put me on hold only to come back and essentially tell me “no.” Ken refused to speak with me, to answer any questions I had, the questions that Renee refused to answer.

I would like to have mentioned the fine efforts of the technician who was seen sitting outside my house in this letter, to have praised his decision to not do what he considered an unimportant job. However, when I asked Renee for his employee number, I was told that jobs aren’t being assigned, that Mediacom is doing “whatever, when they can.” Again, compared to the concerted efforts of so many during this difficult time, Mediacom’s blasé approach is refreshing.

That blasé approach carries over to my own professional life, as I work from home and am reliant (sadly) upon the internet service that your company does not think is important enough to re-establish. As my own work hours have suffered tremendously due to this storm and Mediacom’s subsequent shrugging off of my downed wire, I’m excited to meet the prospect that not only will I have issue being able to pay that Mediacom bill (that’s due, whether you deign to offer me your services or not) and my other bills, but the very real possibility that I will lose my job due to my inability to access the internet. Of course, in an economy such as this, I’m sure I’ll have no problem finding new employment. Really, I’m sure this is just one of the many perks I can expect from being a Mediacom customer.

I would also like to thank Renee for being the first to inform me of the bad weather that my area has sustained. While I asked her about the truck that had parked outside my house and done no work, I was met with the explanation that there was widespread damage due to storms last week and that the trucks were in a different part of the area today. I don’t think she understands just how grateful I am for her informing me of this widespread destruction. Although I live in the area, was without power for the week, have spent a good amount of time in various communities in the area this week, and have had to deal with my daughter being out of school for an entire week due to the storm – I hadn’t quite realized the magnitude of the event until Renee told me it was widespread.

I will admit that in the past I have had issues with Mediacom. I have disconnected my service with your company on more than one occasion in a refusal to deal with the poor customer service that I have found you “offer.” As Mediacom is the only highspeed internet provider to service the area in which I live, however, I have been forced to return to your company yet again. I am thrilled to discover that your commitment to the lowest possible form of customer service remains intact.

I would offer my phone number for you to look at my account, as that is the identifying number your company chooses to assign each account. However, each time I call, I am told that my phone number, the one I should be using to access my account is a number other than my phone number. Each time I call, they change it – but it miraculously changes back each time, by my next call.
Therefore, I will sign this only by my name (with which apparently you cannot look up my account, as I’ve been told so often by Mediacom employees).


Kylie Olean
A Very Mediacom Customer.

An Open Letter to Illinois Plate "GGS 11"

You do realize that it's entirely your fault, right?

If you are in light to moderate traffic and proceed to tailgate in such a manner as the car in front of you can't see anything forward of your steering wheel, that car is going to slow down.  

It's dangerous not to.

What amazes me, I think, is that after you did this to me, used all kinds of obscene hand gestures, and the like and then passed me finally, you continued to do this down the line of traffic.  Each time, you not only frustrated yourself by getting caught behind a driver who slowed down, you made the rest of us behind you more and more upset.  After all, each time this happened, we ALL had to slow down.

FYI, as well.  If the speed limit is 55 and I'm doing 65, passing another car, it IS okay for me to be in the left lane.  Please don't gesture like that at me again.

You didn't even have the excuse of being a student... or a local kid.  

You were an adult - a middle aged man who turned into the McDonald's parking lot.  

Seriously?  

All that for McDonalds?