I need a hug!

If I haven't learned my lesson today, I'm not sure I ever will.  I have had to deal with very unhappy librarians across Illinois in an attempt to release the hold on my university account today.  I need to register, I had way too many overdue library books from all over the state, and I had a deadline.  

They were all willing to help, but there were more than a couple who were obviously not happy with my delay in returning those books - and they were less than thrilled at expediting my requests!

The library hold was eventually released, though, and I breathed a sigh of relief... only to discover that a new hold was put on my account a week ago by the bursar's office for my rent for the next semester - and I can't register until I've paid the rent through December???  Unfortunately, without registration, I'm also unable to get any financial aid - financial aid that would be paying for the rent through December.  

EGADS!

If I had gotten the library stuff taken care of the day I came back (or *gasp* before I left for Australia), this wouldn't have been an issue.  Now it's an almost $3000 issue.

The amount presently seems insurmountable, yet often seems so paltry.  This discrepancy, this lack of options, is really hitting home how much I need to just settle into a career as soon as possible rather than prolong my education.  That fact absolutely kills me - I would really rather continue in academia - but I fear that in order to be a good parent, a good adult, and a good person, and... well... responsible, I need to find something to permanently settle into.

As we were flying from San Francisco to Chicago, I listened to a girl sitting next to Alex talk to the guy on the other side of her.  She was saying that now that she's finished college, she's considering moving to Italy with a friend of her's and finding a random job to support herself for a year or two.  When the guy asked her if she'd considered graduate school, she responded that she didn't want to do anything like that - she wanted to get right into her career and grad school would just be a year or two of a delay.

I blinked my eyes and mentally went over what she'd said... grad school doesn't help in finding a career, but bumming around Italy does.  

She also said that she wanted to be someone who went out and did what they loved; she didn't want to be a victim of circumstance and just find herself in a career because she had to.  

What she said about grad school and Italy still doesn't jive well in my head... what she later said about finding something that she loves rather than finding something to do, that made sense.  So, now I'm trying to really figure out whether staying in school is something to do or something I love.  Is finding a career now something I'll love or something to do?  

I'm afraid that if I can't get this $2800 situation sorted in the next three days, circumstances are going to end up giving me a definite push towards finding a real job/career.  

But then, mightn't that be better than treading water for a year?